I am not fond of Facebook that much

July 6, 2009 at 12:33 | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments
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So I was getting all proud about my blog (thats going downhill if I may say so) when this friend of mine announced on Facebook (for the world to see)

“Sri, your blog is awesome, if only you were paid to write this stuff”,

I obviously assumed its me. Yet, I knew that in South India there is an abundance of Sri(s), so I decided to confirm whether it was indeed me (as if there’s a doubt!).

It wasn’t me.

Ouch!

Pride so totally goes before a fall.

PS: I am still crazy busy and unable to post regularly.

Whatever happened to good ol’ chivalry?

April 1, 2009 at 00:16 | Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments
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Back in my old job, there was no daily commuting facility provided by the company, because they believe in being complete jerks. So the result was me depending on public transport to get to the office on time and back home.

Now one morning on my way to the bus stop, a couple of dudes from my office (one of them had a car) saw me, and stopped. They said that since they live nearby, I can hitch a ride with them daily. I was very happy. Not just because of the car, but also because they seemed nice, they were close to my age, and well, as I was a new employee there, I hadn’t really made too many friends yet.

Time passes. Its a month since I started going with them to office. Thanks to them, other friends of theirs also started talking to me. Soon, obviously because of my charming personality (as if there is a doubt), I have people smiling and talking to me in office instead of pretending I am an amoeba and can’t be noticed with the naked eye. My work-social-life was certainly getting better!

(Yes, you guessed right. I obviously spoke too soon)

Here’s what happened one fine Friday evening (for narration sake, lets call them car-owner-dude and other-dude):

Scene 1: Cafeteria

Me: “Hey there, ready to leave?”
Car-owner-dude: “Yeah, lemme just finish this sandwich”
Other-dude (excited): “Hey man, why don’t we ask her as well?”
Me: “Ask me what?”
Car-owner-dude: “Some of us from office are going out tomorrow evening to check out this new pub, why don’t you come along?”
Me: “Sure, why not?”

Scene 2: Car

(Car-owner-dude and other dude are on a heated discussion on real estate. I am visibly bored, wondering if this is what was in store for me the next evening)

Car-owner-dude: “So Sridevi, do you have a boyfriend?”
Me (woken up from my coma): “Er…what? Oh yeah, yes, I do”

(This is followed by a short conversation with him about Jun. Meanwhile, other-dude is totally silent)

(Odd silence in car)

(Other-dude sighs)

Car-owner-dude (obviously very observant and extremely interested in other people’s lives): “Other-dude, you have been awfully quiet. Why did you just sigh?”
Other-dude: “Its nothing”

(More odd silence in the car)

(Car reaches my home, they promise to let me know what time we are going out the next day, and drives away)

As usual, I am super busy during weekends, trying to forget that a little something called weekdays exist. So it wasn’t until the weekend got over that I noticed I never got a call from either of them. On Monday, I get an SMS from car-owner-dude saying that they have to meet a client, so they won’t be going to office in the morning. Since this used to happen sometimes before, naive little me didn’t find anything suspicious. Later, at office, I ask one of their friends what happened to the weekend plan. She looks super uncomfortable, mumbles something about it getting cancelled, and walks away.

Next day and the day after, same SMS.

The day after that, no SMS, no car.

Meanwhile at office, other-dude is totally concentrating on pretending that I am an amoeba once again. This continues for the next week (forever rather), and it was understood that I am not travelling with them any more. I decided not to ask them anything either. They were not worth it.

It was once again back to my trustworthy public transport system. At least the buses don’t care if I am not single!

PS: I did make a few new friends there who were not complete jerks. So it all worked out pretty well in the end.

Being a multi-linguist can be a bitch sometimes

March 30, 2009 at 10:24 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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This is a true incident that happened in October 2008 to a friend of mine. Lets call him Moo here, because I like the word moo. On popular demand, I have been asked to narrate this incident on my blog, or rather just spread the damn story as much as possible!

So Moo was going back home after his one week trip to meet the rest of us. And surprise surprise! A girl (yes, a female of the human specie) who works with him, actually told him that she will also be traveling with him in the bus on his way back home. For those of you who don’t know him, this is a really big deal.

Moo is excited, and possibly fantasising about the adventures that lay ahead.

Now if you thought Moo was lucky enough to have an actual girl voluntarily deciding to travel with him on an overnight journey, you won’t believe how much luckier he actually was that day! His brother-in-law who had bought the bus tickets, got them (by mistake apparently) for the bus that leaves the next day, instead of starting the same night.

Girl suddenly found herself stranded in a strange place for the night, for she was actually passing through, and she knew nobody here, where she could spend the night. So she decides to stay with Moo and his brother-in-law.

Do you envy Moo yet? Well, hold on to that envy, because there’s more!!

Moo and Girl spends a long evening together, talking, doing random things to pass the night. Brother-in-law has slept long back (one wonders if Moo drugged him). It is past midnight now. Girl is starting to feel sleepy. She had, after all, traveled a long way to get here. So she decides to go to sleep. Moo gets her a blanket, and turns on the ceiling fan and asks her if she needs anything else. Girl gets all cosy and comfy under the blanket, and as Moo watches her, she beckons to him, moving her palm up and down, “come come”.

Moo cant believe his luck. First she wants to go with him overnight in a bus, and now she wants him to join her under the blanket? Moo wants to kill himself and be born again, just to experience this moment once more.

Moo suddenly snaps out of his day (er…night) dreaming, as Girl says something else to him.

“What did you say?”, he asks.

“Kam”, she repeats, “fan ka speed thoda kam karo”!!!

(Translation: Reduce the fan’s rotation/speed a little bit. Kam = reduce)

As you have figured out by now, Girl was feeling too cold with the fan on (the weather here is like living in an air-conditioned room), and she wanted him to reduce its speed a bit. Hence the whole lot of gestures and repeating the word kam/come. Moo, lost in his hopes for a filmy encounter with Girl, had totally jumped at the 1st instance he got (or misunderstood, rather) to make his dreams come true. Little did Moo expect that language was going to be a sadistic bitch in his life.

Why I shouldn’t be writing at all!

March 16, 2009 at 12:43 | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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To begin with, you should read my post on Fake people annoy me, and its comments.

Read? Good.

As you might have noticed, there are two glaring reasons as to why I shouldn’t really be writing.
One, I make grammatical errors (which is a non-pardonable crime, and I don’t deserve to live, let alone write).
Two, I seem to have offended people with the contents.

Back in my first ever school, there was a competition once, called Katharachana (Story Writing). Any idiot can make stories, right? Or that’s what I’d thought! But turns out I lack a little something called IMAGINATION. God alone knows what I wrote in that story. Luckily for me, that competition only had 2 other participants, so I came in third!

A few years later (still in school), I decided to write an English novel. After all, I did come third in the story writing competition, didn’t I? It was about five kids and a parrot (Enid Blyton anyone?). I imagined that it was my cousins and I, and even named our characters with not-entirely-Indian names for the novel.

(Yup, I was obviously expecting worldwide audience and fame)

Anyway, I wrote pages and pages of (our) super adventurous story, until my mum happened to read it one day and continued to laugh at me for months, thanks to my er….imagination! I threw the story into the trash.

One would think I’d have learnt a lesson by now.

Fast forward to my college years. I am sitting in the classroom, fighting to stay awake. Inspiration strikes! I decide to write a novel.

(Again??!!!)

This time, I decide, I will not be stupid like in school (Yeah, right!). I am in college after all! I think about what I want to write.
Ninjas!
Yes, this shall be about ninja kids who fight crime.

(Yawn, you say)

For days I spend the lectures writing that perfect colorful introduction of my characters (this time they are Japanese). I even research on the different ninja traits and weapons, to make the story realistic. And not just that, I even dare to let my friends read it and give me their feedback. Everything looks promising. I am even dreaming of becoming the next J K Rowling.

And then BAM!!! I suddenly realise that I have no plot. Nope. No PLOT whatsoever. My stupid lack of imagination has once again kicked me in my imaginary balls.

Once again the novel goes into the trash.

So for now, I have temporarily given up on the novels, and is now in search of blog fame or rather, torture the readers with my superior intelligence and writing skills.

But just you wait. My novel, when I do complete it, is going to blow your mind away. It will be about………..er………about………..hmmm……….maybe I should write about vampires……(wink!)

Disclaimer: The author of this post has an IELTS score 8 (Very Good User – Has fully operational command of the language with only occasional unsystematic inaccuracies and inappropriacies. Misunderstandings may occur in unfamiliar situations. Handles complex detailed argumentation well).
Therefore, any unsystematic inaccuracies are pardonable!

Fake people annoy me

March 13, 2009 at 12:59 | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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So what is it with fat people wearing sports brands?
I mean, isn’t it kind of obvious that they are definitely not into any form of sports or even normal exercises for that matter?
Or do they think that wearing the sports branded clothing will magically hide the layers of fat?
It doesn’t. Trust me. And if your friend told you it does, that’s cos she secretly hates you.
No no, don’t tell me you have been going to gym regularly, because you are still fat. I don’t believe you. And its not like there is a dearth of non-sports brands, you know. Go splurge on them.
So here’s what you got to do now – take off those sports brands, donate them to charity or hang them up on your bedroom walls in memory of your thinner days if you want to, but please, stop wearing them.

Another category of people that I want to address to are the ones that go about in their cars, playing their music loudly.
No, not those who are just enjoying their daily dose of music.
I am talking of the ones who (in a desperate attempt to look like a rock lover) increase the speakers’ bass to maximum and closes the car windows, so that all one hears from outside is the loud dum dummm… of the bass, but what they’re actually listening to inside is hip-hop music.
Seriously, what is your problem?
You are insulting both rock lovers and hip-hop lovers all over the world.
Be true to the music you actually love.

And remember, you are not fooling anyone.

My doggy encounters

March 4, 2009 at 22:40 | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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I LOVE dogs.

I think they have really pretty eyes, and well, they’re overall just amazing. But you should also know that I am shit scared of them, unless they are really nice to me. Which many times they are not. In fact I am so scared that I have ran away from been chased by a little ferocious pup once.

Yes, I can see you are thinking of stopping being my friend.

Now I must admit I have tried getting close to many of them, in an attempt to get over my fear. Sometimes it helped. Like with my boyfriend Jun’s dog. She is just awesome. But in other cases, it almost always ended like this –

I’m walking, I see cute stray pups.
Awww……isn’t it?
No. Because they are looking at me, growling with/through their tiny throats.
How did they know I was scared? I don’t look scared. Or do I?
I try to seem casual and unconcerned, because people are nearby.
Why aren’t those people scared? Why don’t the pups growl at them?
I walk.
The pups start following me quietly.
I see it from the corner of my eyes, so I stop and look back (trying to still look totally cool about it).
The pups stop and go grrrrrrrr again.
I decide to walk faster. The pups follow faster. I stop. They growl.
(repeat that a few more times)
I finally go beyond their territory, so they leave me alone. I walk away fast.

Later I narrate my narrow escape from death to Jun.
And he consoles me by telling that the pups were just learning to hunt.
It should have helped me to feel better, except that he was laughing his ass off at me.

Sigh!

So what were we talking about? Oh yeah, I LOVE dogs.

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