As Joey once said “I am pretty wisdomous”

June 16, 2009 at 14:46 | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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Since I turned 23 today, I am obviously full of wisdom.

So today I will give you 4 important advices that will help you throughout your life:

  1. Never ever watch the movie Max Payne
  2. Never ever do this to yourself
    I wasn't "wisdomous" then

    I wasn't "wisdomous" then

    cos its stupid (but if you have to choose between the two never-evers, then I’d say never ever watch Max Payne)

  3. Follow my blog religiously
  4. Treat your elders with respect

Sadly I do not have time to share more wisdom cos:

  1. I am still sick, though improving
  2. I have a work deadline for tomorrow, and if I want to spend even a little time with Jun today, then I definitely need to finish the work by evening.

So if you would be kind enough to send me those gifts today itself, I don’t think I need to linger around much longer with this post.

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I name this post “Batman” because he is the best

April 29, 2009 at 15:43 | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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Last week, I went to Bombay to attend this scholarship interview, for my higher studies.

(Please do pray that I get the scholarship. Thank you!)

Anyway, during the trip I learned and noticed a lot of clever and important things, from which I will share with you a couple of things.

(If you don’t read it, I curse that you will get chickenpox.)

Important thing 1:

If Cinderella wore these shoes, she was an idiot

If Cinderella wore these shoes, she was an idiot

I can imagine what its like to wear these shoes.

Stupid-shoe-girl: “Hey Ma, look at my new shoes!”
Sensible-Ma (looks appalled): “Oh my God!”
Stupid-shoe-girl (totally misinterpreting Ma’s reaction): “I know, right? Now it looks like I’m not wearing any shoes, and there is a diamond growing from my big toe. And at the same time, my feet are totally protected! Can this get any better?”
Sensible-Ma (wryly): “Indeed! You are living every girls’ dream right now!”

Important thing 2:

If your kid looks like this, you have been a bad parent

If your kid looks like this, you have been a bad parent

You do not make your kid fat, just so you have someone to push the trolley! NO!! That is WRONG!

Now, that I have helped you become better people in life, I will get back to my work.

Mythology and Porn

April 15, 2009 at 16:38 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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Girls were attacked in various regions in India, over reasons like going to pubs and wearing jeans. Obviously wearing jeans is the top most sin in God’s book of sins by women.

Anyway, now the attacks have stopped because in the words of Pramod Mutalik

“the method used was wrong, but the objective was correct”.

If you read the whole article, you will see he also said

“Our women are talented, and we should encourage them. But nudity, dancing and drinking liquor is not our culture. Also, it’s not just drinking, there is a drug and sex mafia behind all this. It’s an international conspiracy to destroy Indian culture. These western countries are behind this conspiracy. They introduced the pub culture into India. They brought AIDS, orphanages and old age homes, which is not part of our culture. Our culture upholds family values. In the US and England, 32% of pregnant girls are unmarried teens.”

Had he read the mythology books that I did in my childhood, I wonder whether he’d still be blaming international conspiracies or in fact, have problems with half the “problems” in our society today.

Here’s a portion of a story about the God Agni (fire), which I swear I did not make up, but read in a mythology book once:

(There is an almost similar and almost entertaining narration over at http://www.windows.ucar.edu/tour/link=/mythology/krttika_pleiades.html)

Agni is flying by some random place on his way home, using is his super cool super powers. He sees the wives of the 7 rishis (saints). While the rishis are really old old men, the wives are really young. So even though these 7 women are married, Agni lusts for the 7 wives.

That is when he runs into Swaha (his future wife), who notes that he is quite distracted and sad. Swaha uses her super cool super powers to read his mind. She is not really happy to see his thoughts, but when there is super powers, nothing can keep you unhappy for long. Plus, she loves him way too much.

She decides to shape shift and transform herself (once again using her super cool super powers) into each of the wives one night after another, and she visits Agni, pretending to be the women Agni wanted to bed. But Swaha couldn’t transform herself into one rishi’s wife because that particular woman was truly loyal to her husband.

Still, Agni was happy because he believed that he managed to score 6 out of 7.

Meanwhile, Swaha gets pregnant.

(Not quite different from what’s happening today, eh?)

The only good lessons I can find in this story are:

1. Superpowers are always cool
2. Divorce is not always the answer
3. Always try to get good scores.

And to think this story is only the tip of the iceberg!

This post would have been much better.. really!

April 8, 2009 at 13:31 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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You know how famous people always make a late entry? Well, this has nothing to do with Arjun’s post being late, but he has promised me a bribe, so he’s forgiven for not posting yesterday.

Since I spend almost 3-3.5 hours in the bus in a day, travelling to work and back, I usually spend this time to either think of what to blog next about, or I just sleep with my mouth hanging open.

So today morning, as usual, I was searching for that brilliant post to write about, which would blow your mind away. I think and think, and in between, I get up and give my seat to a lady carrying a little baby, hoping the others around are feeling ashamed for not being as selfless as me (yes, I am very humble as you can see), and then at last, almost like a miracle, I get that brilliant ultimate idea, the idea that would go down in the history of blogs as the God of Blog posts’ ideas! Feeling even more ‘not’ humble about myself, I finally look out of the window happily, to savor this moment to its fullest, taking in the beautiful sights outside.

Wow, that lake looks really beautiful…..look at those tiny birds flying so close to its surface…..

Wait a minute, I never passed a lake before on my way to work!

Where the hell am I?

And then the realization dawned on me that I had somehow boarded the wrong bus today, lost in thoughts about stupid blog posts!

It took me another hour to figure out where I am, and how to get to office from there, which as luck would turn out, there was no direct bus, so I had to walk unnecessarily from one bus stop to another.

Finally I make it to office, late, and I sit down to bring my amazing post idea to life (obviously this is what I am paid to do at work), and I realize that I just can’t remember what the idea was!!

So for today, instead of the award winning post that should have been here, this is what you will get from me:

Lesson 1 -> Always get into the right buses
Lesson 2 -> When blog ideas are too good to be true, NOTE THEM DOWN IMMEDIATELY
Lesson 3 -> Keep backup ideas, in case you were stupid enough to ignore Lesson 1 and 2.

It happens only in India (and Venezuela)!

April 2, 2009 at 01:58 | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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So when I read this really funny post on Indian soaps (click!) the other day written by my friend, it reminded me of a particular Hindi serial that came on TV during my college years. The criticism of Indian soaps have been going on for quite a while now, so you may wonder what this post is all about?

For starters, it is not on Ekta Kapoor.

Secondly, this particular serial is a remake of a Venezuelan “telenovela”, as I found out from wikipedia, so we can’t blame really Indians for making this plot.

Anyway, here is the plot:

“Anu Sachdev is determined to fulfill her dreams of studying journalism from a prestigious university abroad, but she doesn’t know that the fate has already decided to change the course of her life. Anu is accidentally impregnated with a IVF sample by a gynaecologist she visits to have a routine checkup. A nurse had mixed up her file with another woman’s file. Anu doesn’t know she is pregnant and continues with her life.”

So when our day scholar classmate who saw the pilot episode narrates the plot to the rest of us boarders, we were speechless at the absurdity of the plot!

  • I mean, which unmarried+teenage+Indian girl goes for routine check ups with the gynaecologist? What was she expecting to find?!!
  • And if its for a routine check up, won’t she be aware of how its done usually, and so shouldn’t she notice that the doctor is doing something different, for example, injecting something suspicious into her, this time?
  • Ignoring the one-in-a-million odds of her getting pregnant from it, how long is it going to take her to realise that she is pregnant? A zillion episodes??
  • And once she does, why on earth isn’t she aborting the baby and ending the miserable series once and for all?

I don’t understand the human mind at all.

PS: The reason why the post is named so, is because soon after we overcame the speechless stage, our friend from Bhutan immediately started singing the famous movie song “It happens only in India“. But as I found out only recently, the plot is of Venezuelan origin

Why I shouldn’t be writing at all!

March 16, 2009 at 12:43 | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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To begin with, you should read my post on Fake people annoy me, and its comments.

Read? Good.

As you might have noticed, there are two glaring reasons as to why I shouldn’t really be writing.
One, I make grammatical errors (which is a non-pardonable crime, and I don’t deserve to live, let alone write).
Two, I seem to have offended people with the contents.

Back in my first ever school, there was a competition once, called Katharachana (Story Writing). Any idiot can make stories, right? Or that’s what I’d thought! But turns out I lack a little something called IMAGINATION. God alone knows what I wrote in that story. Luckily for me, that competition only had 2 other participants, so I came in third!

A few years later (still in school), I decided to write an English novel. After all, I did come third in the story writing competition, didn’t I? It was about five kids and a parrot (Enid Blyton anyone?). I imagined that it was my cousins and I, and even named our characters with not-entirely-Indian names for the novel.

(Yup, I was obviously expecting worldwide audience and fame)

Anyway, I wrote pages and pages of (our) super adventurous story, until my mum happened to read it one day and continued to laugh at me for months, thanks to my er….imagination! I threw the story into the trash.

One would think I’d have learnt a lesson by now.

Fast forward to my college years. I am sitting in the classroom, fighting to stay awake. Inspiration strikes! I decide to write a novel.

(Again??!!!)

This time, I decide, I will not be stupid like in school (Yeah, right!). I am in college after all! I think about what I want to write.
Ninjas!
Yes, this shall be about ninja kids who fight crime.

(Yawn, you say)

For days I spend the lectures writing that perfect colorful introduction of my characters (this time they are Japanese). I even research on the different ninja traits and weapons, to make the story realistic. And not just that, I even dare to let my friends read it and give me their feedback. Everything looks promising. I am even dreaming of becoming the next J K Rowling.

And then BAM!!! I suddenly realise that I have no plot. Nope. No PLOT whatsoever. My stupid lack of imagination has once again kicked me in my imaginary balls.

Once again the novel goes into the trash.

So for now, I have temporarily given up on the novels, and is now in search of blog fame or rather, torture the readers with my superior intelligence and writing skills.

But just you wait. My novel, when I do complete it, is going to blow your mind away. It will be about………..er………about………..hmmm……….maybe I should write about vampires……(wink!)

Disclaimer: The author of this post has an IELTS score 8 (Very Good User – Has fully operational command of the language with only occasional unsystematic inaccuracies and inappropriacies. Misunderstandings may occur in unfamiliar situations. Handles complex detailed argumentation well).
Therefore, any unsystematic inaccuracies are pardonable!

Fake people annoy me

March 13, 2009 at 12:59 | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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So what is it with fat people wearing sports brands?
I mean, isn’t it kind of obvious that they are definitely not into any form of sports or even normal exercises for that matter?
Or do they think that wearing the sports branded clothing will magically hide the layers of fat?
It doesn’t. Trust me. And if your friend told you it does, that’s cos she secretly hates you.
No no, don’t tell me you have been going to gym regularly, because you are still fat. I don’t believe you. And its not like there is a dearth of non-sports brands, you know. Go splurge on them.
So here’s what you got to do now – take off those sports brands, donate them to charity or hang them up on your bedroom walls in memory of your thinner days if you want to, but please, stop wearing them.

Another category of people that I want to address to are the ones that go about in their cars, playing their music loudly.
No, not those who are just enjoying their daily dose of music.
I am talking of the ones who (in a desperate attempt to look like a rock lover) increase the speakers’ bass to maximum and closes the car windows, so that all one hears from outside is the loud dum dummm… of the bass, but what they’re actually listening to inside is hip-hop music.
Seriously, what is your problem?
You are insulting both rock lovers and hip-hop lovers all over the world.
Be true to the music you actually love.

And remember, you are not fooling anyone.

Dedicated to those who clean public toilets

March 3, 2009 at 13:07 | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Greetings everyone, and thank you for visiting my blog!
You’re awesome (just like me) or you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

As this is my first post, I would like to dedicate it to all those people across the world whose job is to clean public toilets. For it is they who are the actual heroes of the world.

Yes.

How do you think Einstein managed to write the Theory of Relativity? And Soviet Union make the first ever satellite (Sputnik) to sent up into the space? Was it by losing concentration at work because they urgently needed to visit the loo but couldn’t because it was too dirty?

I think not.

So let us take this moment to appreciate their efforts worldwide.

And friends, remember to flush.

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