Brad Pitt and I share a special bond

April 17, 2009 at 12:51 | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Today, its my turn to guest post for Arjun. A tiny form of appreciation for the awesome guest post he wrote for Sloppy Chronicles. Go check them both out, even if you got better things to do in life.


Mythology and Porn

April 15, 2009 at 16:38 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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Girls were attacked in various regions in India, over reasons like going to pubs and wearing jeans. Obviously wearing jeans is the top most sin in God’s book of sins by women.

Anyway, now the attacks have stopped because in the words of Pramod Mutalik

“the method used was wrong, but the objective was correct”.

If you read the whole article, you will see he also said

“Our women are talented, and we should encourage them. But nudity, dancing and drinking liquor is not our culture. Also, it’s not just drinking, there is a drug and sex mafia behind all this. It’s an international conspiracy to destroy Indian culture. These western countries are behind this conspiracy. They introduced the pub culture into India. They brought AIDS, orphanages and old age homes, which is not part of our culture. Our culture upholds family values. In the US and England, 32% of pregnant girls are unmarried teens.”

Had he read the mythology books that I did in my childhood, I wonder whether he’d still be blaming international conspiracies or in fact, have problems with half the “problems” in our society today.

Here’s a portion of a story about the God Agni (fire), which I swear I did not make up, but read in a mythology book once:

(There is an almost similar and almost entertaining narration over at

Agni is flying by some random place on his way home, using is his super cool super powers. He sees the wives of the 7 rishis (saints). While the rishis are really old old men, the wives are really young. So even though these 7 women are married, Agni lusts for the 7 wives.

That is when he runs into Swaha (his future wife), who notes that he is quite distracted and sad. Swaha uses her super cool super powers to read his mind. She is not really happy to see his thoughts, but when there is super powers, nothing can keep you unhappy for long. Plus, she loves him way too much.

She decides to shape shift and transform herself (once again using her super cool super powers) into each of the wives one night after another, and she visits Agni, pretending to be the women Agni wanted to bed. But Swaha couldn’t transform herself into one rishi’s wife because that particular woman was truly loyal to her husband.

Still, Agni was happy because he believed that he managed to score 6 out of 7.

Meanwhile, Swaha gets pregnant.

(Not quite different from what’s happening today, eh?)

The only good lessons I can find in this story are:

1. Superpowers are always cool
2. Divorce is not always the answer
3. Always try to get good scores.

And to think this story is only the tip of the iceberg!

Apples, Traffic Signals, and the Male Species

April 9, 2009 at 13:12 | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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Sri’s decided that she’d give her imaginative muscles a break, and get me to do the thinking and writing. My sincere apologies for delay; this guest post was supposed to come on last week. My name is Arjun, and I feel privileged and honored to be a guest blogger here. The Sloppy Chronicles is gaining a good bunch of readers and why shouldn’t it? The author’s ability to exaggerate mundane acts like getting into the wrong bus or playing down relatively serious events is not very common, and I want to recognize that here. As someone suggested, “It feels like a female Chetan Bhagat.” Yep, it does Sri.

You know how we have these T-shirts during college fests, right? Like much of rock music, these T-shirts are designed by guys and girls under a heavy influence of marijuana. The guys designing the T-shirts are so obsessed with belting out that perfectly-uber-cool-design-that-makes-everyone-go-Wow! that it ends up being mediocre to stupid in most cases. The catch lines, the images, the layout: kids who are hooked on to How I met your mother think that they can outdo the designers at Tantra, or equal the class of Benetton.

In my engineering school I had seen some really bad T-shirts come out during the fests. The colours were all wrong and the material was rag like. Worse still, the price was way too much (the secretaries always felt like the margins from T-shirt sales could fund 3 nights of liquor). But all that never bothered me as much as the graphics on the shirt. In my first November cul fest in college, the catch line on the T-shirt said “NIT-H rocks and … (with an underline).” This corny line was supposed to imply that NIT-H (the name of the college) rocked and that was the bottom-line, WWE style. The humour that came through was dry-to-slapstick at best and never really amounted to much pride for the wearer. We bought them because the shirt had the name of the college displayed on it, and we hoped that people would notice it in trains during the vacation journeys and think highly of us. As the years rolled, the designs kept getting more ridiculous and dumb.

And then, when I became one of the 6 secretaries of the fest I thought exactly what my predecessors had thought: My team will give the best T-shirt this college has ever seen and will ever see. In our team meetings, we discussed as to how people would love our shirts and would go days on end without ever taking it off. Our T-shirt was to be designed around one central idea – if somebody walked into a store and saw this fest t-shirt displayed, they would pick it up because it was attractive. Easier to say than to do!

There were 5 guys and 1 girl in the group of secretaries, and like with all student secretaries, nobody liked us. But we come up with this design:

The front of the T-shirt had on the chest area three little boxes in a row. The first box was red in colour with the image of a white apple in it. The second box (the middle one) was orange with an image of an apple bitten off from the top right. The third box was green in colour with a picture of an apple eaten fully and the stem remaining. So here you have three boxes red, orange and green signifying the traffic lights each showing an apple being eaten at different stages. Below the boxes was the catch line: “BYTE THIS”.

We loved the idea. The picture was abstract with traffic lights and an apple. Somehow the line Byte this sounded techie and also meant bite the apple. But there was one problem. The girl secretary in our team didn’t think this idea was so cool.

“Why, what’s wrong with this?”, I asked.

“Byte this? Arjun, the girls are going to wear this shirt and on their chest it says byte this!” said the girl.

We never spoke another word about that design.

This is why we still have women around on this earth: to save the male species from self destruction.

This post would have been much better.. really!

April 8, 2009 at 13:31 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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You know how famous people always make a late entry? Well, this has nothing to do with Arjun’s post being late, but he has promised me a bribe, so he’s forgiven for not posting yesterday.

Since I spend almost 3-3.5 hours in the bus in a day, travelling to work and back, I usually spend this time to either think of what to blog next about, or I just sleep with my mouth hanging open.

So today morning, as usual, I was searching for that brilliant post to write about, which would blow your mind away. I think and think, and in between, I get up and give my seat to a lady carrying a little baby, hoping the others around are feeling ashamed for not being as selfless as me (yes, I am very humble as you can see), and then at last, almost like a miracle, I get that brilliant ultimate idea, the idea that would go down in the history of blogs as the God of Blog posts’ ideas! Feeling even more ‘not’ humble about myself, I finally look out of the window happily, to savor this moment to its fullest, taking in the beautiful sights outside.

Wow, that lake looks really beautiful…..look at those tiny birds flying so close to its surface…..

Wait a minute, I never passed a lake before on my way to work!

Where the hell am I?

And then the realization dawned on me that I had somehow boarded the wrong bus today, lost in thoughts about stupid blog posts!

It took me another hour to figure out where I am, and how to get to office from there, which as luck would turn out, there was no direct bus, so I had to walk unnecessarily from one bus stop to another.

Finally I make it to office, late, and I sit down to bring my amazing post idea to life (obviously this is what I am paid to do at work), and I realize that I just can’t remember what the idea was!!

So for today, instead of the award winning post that should have been here, this is what you will get from me:

Lesson 1 -> Always get into the right buses
Lesson 2 -> When blog ideas are too good to be true, NOTE THEM DOWN IMMEDIATELY
Lesson 3 -> Keep backup ideas, in case you were stupid enough to ignore Lesson 1 and 2.

What’s with all the blogging?

April 6, 2009 at 12:17 | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
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So a lot of people have been asking me lately, “what’s with all the blogging?”.

Sources tell me that blogging is actually the master plan of Bin Laden to keep sure that all the clever minds (me! me!) is kept occupied writing random crap on the internet to be read by other clever minds (you! you!). And while we are busy being clever, he cleverly takes over the world and rules us all.

Anyway, whether the rumour is true or not, I do definitely know for sure that blogs can save lives (only mild exaggeration)!


As you know, I used to religiously read others blogs last year to pass my time in my old job (I used to finish my work faster than they could give me, so I had a lot of free time then). Anyway, when I realised that corporate life is not as exciting as I hoped it would be (don’t get me wrong, pay day is the best day), I thought maybe I should study some more (better degree=>better pay=>better pay days). Am I clever or what?

Long story short, I had to write the IELTS exam in order to apply to the universities abroad, to show them that I am proficient enough in English.

For those of you who don’t know, this exam has 4 sections – listening, reading, writing and speaking. Now in the speaking round, the interviewer generally asks you random questions to answer, and then gives you a topic, on which you have to speak for a minute.

The topic I got was “an interesting TV show that I saw recently”. Now I rarely watch TV, and when I do, its just for mindless gossip on celebrities, latest movies and songs, before I get bored of that as well, and turn it off. So when my interviewer asked me to talk about this particular topic, my mind went totally blank. I just couldn’t remember the last time I saw TV, let alone anything interesting on it. And it would seem totally chicken-ish (and probably negative marks), if I told the interviewer that I don’t see TV.

It was then that I suddenly, miraculously remembered this post by Chris (click away, its hilarious stuff). So I just narrated that post how I remembered it, to the interviewer. She bought my blabber and I passed! Woohoo!

Now thanks to reading that particular post, I have managed to get admissions in Universities. Thanks to reading that particular post, my future is safe(r) now. So it is only fair to humanity that I too start blogging, for you never know how my blog, maybe this particular post infact, saves you from a psychopath serial killer tomorrow.

Or not.

PS: Tomorrow, my good friend Arjun will be guest posting here, as I have a holiday, and I strictly don’t blog on holidays.

F is cool because it stands for Football and Free Software

April 3, 2009 at 01:42 | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments
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As most of you know, I am a free software fanatic. I don’t code, but I use. And to show gratitude in my own way, I do things like volunteer at or just write stuff like Linux vs Windows (check it out now, because in it I’m being funny and informative at the same time!!).

Another interest of mine that most people don’t know about is football. I will not get into the details of my extensive knowledge about the game (and embarrass you for not being so cool), but I will tell you how I almost got named Pique.

You see, when I was born, in June 1986, the FIFA World Cup was going on. I have even heard rumours that my father, who’s an ardent lover of the game, was away watching the match while my mum had her stomach cut up, just to get me out.

(Yes, I’m a caesarian)

Poor mum.

As if it wasn’t enough that the man in her life was away while she bore all the pain, when he gets to the hospital, she wakes up to finds him holding the baby(me) and calling me (lovingly) “Pique”.

On enquiring, she finds out that Pique is a Chilli Pepper from Mexico, the mascot of FIFA World Cup 1986, and that her dear husband has named the little monster (I have always wanted to be a monster, its fun!) after the mascot.

I think I'd look rad with that mustache

I think I'd look rad with that mustache

Of course, little did dad know that you don’t mess with pregnant women and the ones that just had their stomach cut open because their stupid child refused to come out.

Anyway, long story short, “Hi, I am Sridevi”.

It happens only in India (and Venezuela)!

April 2, 2009 at 01:58 | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment
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So when I read this really funny post on Indian soaps (click!) the other day written by my friend, it reminded me of a particular Hindi serial that came on TV during my college years. The criticism of Indian soaps have been going on for quite a while now, so you may wonder what this post is all about?

For starters, it is not on Ekta Kapoor.

Secondly, this particular serial is a remake of a Venezuelan “telenovela”, as I found out from wikipedia, so we can’t blame really Indians for making this plot.

Anyway, here is the plot:

“Anu Sachdev is determined to fulfill her dreams of studying journalism from a prestigious university abroad, but she doesn’t know that the fate has already decided to change the course of her life. Anu is accidentally impregnated with a IVF sample by a gynaecologist she visits to have a routine checkup. A nurse had mixed up her file with another woman’s file. Anu doesn’t know she is pregnant and continues with her life.”

So when our day scholar classmate who saw the pilot episode narrates the plot to the rest of us boarders, we were speechless at the absurdity of the plot!

  • I mean, which unmarried+teenage+Indian girl goes for routine check ups with the gynaecologist? What was she expecting to find?!!
  • And if its for a routine check up, won’t she be aware of how its done usually, and so shouldn’t she notice that the doctor is doing something different, for example, injecting something suspicious into her, this time?
  • Ignoring the one-in-a-million odds of her getting pregnant from it, how long is it going to take her to realise that she is pregnant? A zillion episodes??
  • And once she does, why on earth isn’t she aborting the baby and ending the miserable series once and for all?

I don’t understand the human mind at all.

PS: The reason why the post is named so, is because soon after we overcame the speechless stage, our friend from Bhutan immediately started singing the famous movie song “It happens only in India“. But as I found out only recently, the plot is of Venezuelan origin

Whatever happened to good ol’ chivalry?

April 1, 2009 at 00:16 | Posted in Uncategorized | 16 Comments
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Back in my old job, there was no daily commuting facility provided by the company, because they believe in being complete jerks. So the result was me depending on public transport to get to the office on time and back home.

Now one morning on my way to the bus stop, a couple of dudes from my office (one of them had a car) saw me, and stopped. They said that since they live nearby, I can hitch a ride with them daily. I was very happy. Not just because of the car, but also because they seemed nice, they were close to my age, and well, as I was a new employee there, I hadn’t really made too many friends yet.

Time passes. Its a month since I started going with them to office. Thanks to them, other friends of theirs also started talking to me. Soon, obviously because of my charming personality (as if there is a doubt), I have people smiling and talking to me in office instead of pretending I am an amoeba and can’t be noticed with the naked eye. My work-social-life was certainly getting better!

(Yes, you guessed right. I obviously spoke too soon)

Here’s what happened one fine Friday evening (for narration sake, lets call them car-owner-dude and other-dude):

Scene 1: Cafeteria

Me: “Hey there, ready to leave?”
Car-owner-dude: “Yeah, lemme just finish this sandwich”
Other-dude (excited): “Hey man, why don’t we ask her as well?”
Me: “Ask me what?”
Car-owner-dude: “Some of us from office are going out tomorrow evening to check out this new pub, why don’t you come along?”
Me: “Sure, why not?”

Scene 2: Car

(Car-owner-dude and other dude are on a heated discussion on real estate. I am visibly bored, wondering if this is what was in store for me the next evening)

Car-owner-dude: “So Sridevi, do you have a boyfriend?”
Me (woken up from my coma): “Er…what? Oh yeah, yes, I do”

(This is followed by a short conversation with him about Jun. Meanwhile, other-dude is totally silent)

(Odd silence in car)

(Other-dude sighs)

Car-owner-dude (obviously very observant and extremely interested in other people’s lives): “Other-dude, you have been awfully quiet. Why did you just sigh?”
Other-dude: “Its nothing”

(More odd silence in the car)

(Car reaches my home, they promise to let me know what time we are going out the next day, and drives away)

As usual, I am super busy during weekends, trying to forget that a little something called weekdays exist. So it wasn’t until the weekend got over that I noticed I never got a call from either of them. On Monday, I get an SMS from car-owner-dude saying that they have to meet a client, so they won’t be going to office in the morning. Since this used to happen sometimes before, naive little me didn’t find anything suspicious. Later, at office, I ask one of their friends what happened to the weekend plan. She looks super uncomfortable, mumbles something about it getting cancelled, and walks away.

Next day and the day after, same SMS.

The day after that, no SMS, no car.

Meanwhile at office, other-dude is totally concentrating on pretending that I am an amoeba once again. This continues for the next week (forever rather), and it was understood that I am not travelling with them any more. I decided not to ask them anything either. They were not worth it.

It was once again back to my trustworthy public transport system. At least the buses don’t care if I am not single!

PS: I did make a few new friends there who were not complete jerks. So it all worked out pretty well in the end.

A month of blogging!

March 31, 2009 at 13:53 | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
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Even though I have only 10 posts this month instead of 20, thanks to my vacation and Edward Cullen (sigh!), I have actually completed a month!


(Yes, I consider it a big achievement)

So I guess this would be an apt time for another round of dedications.

I dedicate this post to:

• All those who read my blog, without whom, there isn’t really a point to web-logging
• Especially all those who commented on the posts (you are awesome)
Tia, Arjun and Chris. It would be wrong if I didn’t say their blogs (go read them!) were an influence and inspiration for me to start blogging
• The company I used to work in last year, which was so pathetically pathetic that I spent my days/months exploring the world of blogs and eating mad angles (which is irrelevant here, but quite tasty)
Moo (who’s blunders could fill books) and the countless others who keep the world of humor alive, and lastly,
• Jun, for everything.

Now moving on to the actual contents of the post, I am inserting another story of Moo, which (I must forewarn) is not as funny as the “come come” story (as we call it). Owing to a hectic work schedule today, I am not in a position to post something more entertaining.

We (Moo, other friends, me) started our journey to Dharamshala. Moo’s Hindi is worse than mine. This is what happened (translated to English) –

Moo: I had kept a couple of apples in my room last night. I thought we can have them today in the cab. But when I woke up, they were already half eaten by a tortoise (!!!).

We were baffled for a nano-second at the thought that there was a wild tortoise in his room, stealing apples in the dark. Then we laughed our a*ses off at Moo’s stupidity (we always look for reasons to laugh at his expense, actually). Moo had meant to say chooha (rat), but instead ended up saying khachhua (tortoise).

Being a multi-linguist can be a bitch sometimes

March 30, 2009 at 10:24 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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This is a true incident that happened in October 2008 to a friend of mine. Lets call him Moo here, because I like the word moo. On popular demand, I have been asked to narrate this incident on my blog, or rather just spread the damn story as much as possible!

So Moo was going back home after his one week trip to meet the rest of us. And surprise surprise! A girl (yes, a female of the human specie) who works with him, actually told him that she will also be traveling with him in the bus on his way back home. For those of you who don’t know him, this is a really big deal.

Moo is excited, and possibly fantasising about the adventures that lay ahead.

Now if you thought Moo was lucky enough to have an actual girl voluntarily deciding to travel with him on an overnight journey, you won’t believe how much luckier he actually was that day! His brother-in-law who had bought the bus tickets, got them (by mistake apparently) for the bus that leaves the next day, instead of starting the same night.

Girl suddenly found herself stranded in a strange place for the night, for she was actually passing through, and she knew nobody here, where she could spend the night. So she decides to stay with Moo and his brother-in-law.

Do you envy Moo yet? Well, hold on to that envy, because there’s more!!

Moo and Girl spends a long evening together, talking, doing random things to pass the night. Brother-in-law has slept long back (one wonders if Moo drugged him). It is past midnight now. Girl is starting to feel sleepy. She had, after all, traveled a long way to get here. So she decides to go to sleep. Moo gets her a blanket, and turns on the ceiling fan and asks her if she needs anything else. Girl gets all cosy and comfy under the blanket, and as Moo watches her, she beckons to him, moving her palm up and down, “come come”.

Moo cant believe his luck. First she wants to go with him overnight in a bus, and now she wants him to join her under the blanket? Moo wants to kill himself and be born again, just to experience this moment once more.

Moo suddenly snaps out of his day (er…night) dreaming, as Girl says something else to him.

“What did you say?”, he asks.

“Kam”, she repeats, “fan ka speed thoda kam karo”!!!

(Translation: Reduce the fan’s rotation/speed a little bit. Kam = reduce)

As you have figured out by now, Girl was feeling too cold with the fan on (the weather here is like living in an air-conditioned room), and she wanted him to reduce its speed a bit. Hence the whole lot of gestures and repeating the word kam/come. Moo, lost in his hopes for a filmy encounter with Girl, had totally jumped at the 1st instance he got (or misunderstood, rather) to make his dreams come true. Little did Moo expect that language was going to be a sadistic bitch in his life.

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