A month of blogging!

March 31, 2009 at 13:53 | Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments
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Even though I have only 10 posts this month instead of 20, thanks to my vacation and Edward Cullen (sigh!), I have actually completed a month!


(Yes, I consider it a big achievement)

So I guess this would be an apt time for another round of dedications.

I dedicate this post to:

• All those who read my blog, without whom, there isn’t really a point to web-logging
• Especially all those who commented on the posts (you are awesome)
Tia, Arjun and Chris. It would be wrong if I didn’t say their blogs (go read them!) were an influence and inspiration for me to start blogging
• The company I used to work in last year, which was so pathetically pathetic that I spent my days/months exploring the world of blogs and eating mad angles (which is irrelevant here, but quite tasty)
Moo (who’s blunders could fill books) and the countless others who keep the world of humor alive, and lastly,
• Jun, for everything.

Now moving on to the actual contents of the post, I am inserting another story of Moo, which (I must forewarn) is not as funny as the “come come” story (as we call it). Owing to a hectic work schedule today, I am not in a position to post something more entertaining.

We (Moo, other friends, me) started our journey to Dharamshala. Moo’s Hindi is worse than mine. This is what happened (translated to English) –

Moo: I had kept a couple of apples in my room last night. I thought we can have them today in the cab. But when I woke up, they were already half eaten by a tortoise (!!!).

We were baffled for a nano-second at the thought that there was a wild tortoise in his room, stealing apples in the dark. Then we laughed our a*ses off at Moo’s stupidity (we always look for reasons to laugh at his expense, actually). Moo had meant to say chooha (rat), but instead ended up saying khachhua (tortoise).


Being a multi-linguist can be a bitch sometimes

March 30, 2009 at 10:24 | Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments
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This is a true incident that happened in October 2008 to a friend of mine. Lets call him Moo here, because I like the word moo. On popular demand, I have been asked to narrate this incident on my blog, or rather just spread the damn story as much as possible!

So Moo was going back home after his one week trip to meet the rest of us. And surprise surprise! A girl (yes, a female of the human specie) who works with him, actually told him that she will also be traveling with him in the bus on his way back home. For those of you who don’t know him, this is a really big deal.

Moo is excited, and possibly fantasising about the adventures that lay ahead.

Now if you thought Moo was lucky enough to have an actual girl voluntarily deciding to travel with him on an overnight journey, you won’t believe how much luckier he actually was that day! His brother-in-law who had bought the bus tickets, got them (by mistake apparently) for the bus that leaves the next day, instead of starting the same night.

Girl suddenly found herself stranded in a strange place for the night, for she was actually passing through, and she knew nobody here, where she could spend the night. So she decides to stay with Moo and his brother-in-law.

Do you envy Moo yet? Well, hold on to that envy, because there’s more!!

Moo and Girl spends a long evening together, talking, doing random things to pass the night. Brother-in-law has slept long back (one wonders if Moo drugged him). It is past midnight now. Girl is starting to feel sleepy. She had, after all, traveled a long way to get here. So she decides to go to sleep. Moo gets her a blanket, and turns on the ceiling fan and asks her if she needs anything else. Girl gets all cosy and comfy under the blanket, and as Moo watches her, she beckons to him, moving her palm up and down, “come come”.

Moo cant believe his luck. First she wants to go with him overnight in a bus, and now she wants him to join her under the blanket? Moo wants to kill himself and be born again, just to experience this moment once more.

Moo suddenly snaps out of his day (er…night) dreaming, as Girl says something else to him.

“What did you say?”, he asks.

“Kam”, she repeats, “fan ka speed thoda kam karo”!!!

(Translation: Reduce the fan’s rotation/speed a little bit. Kam = reduce)

As you have figured out by now, Girl was feeling too cold with the fan on (the weather here is like living in an air-conditioned room), and she wanted him to reduce its speed a bit. Hence the whole lot of gestures and repeating the word kam/come. Moo, lost in his hopes for a filmy encounter with Girl, had totally jumped at the 1st instance he got (or misunderstood, rather) to make his dreams come true. Little did Moo expect that language was going to be a sadistic bitch in his life.

Vacation Time!

March 19, 2009 at 13:08 | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Dear imaginary followers of my blog,

Thank you for taking time out from your busy schedule to read my blog everyday. I regret to inform you that I will be unable to post for a week as I am going away on vacation. But I promise I will get back to the usual 5 posts a week deal, once I am back.

So long!

Kindergarten cops – to protect kids from each other

March 18, 2009 at 17:23 | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments
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The following conversation happened last weekend between a 7 year old I know and his friend:

Kid-I-know: “Hey so did you see the latest episode of Pokemon yesterday?”

His-friend: “No way, I saw much cooler stuff yesterday. The mall near my house was celebrating their one year anniversary, and they had brought fire-eaters. Pokemon is so boring compared to that!”

Kid-I-know (feeling uncool at the moment for missing out the exciting fire-eating stuff): “Oh, fire-eaters. That’s not such a big deal.”

His-friend (feeling very grown-up by now on choosing fire-eaters over Pokemon): “Oh yeah? What is more exciting, watching men eat fire or some dumb cartoon that we get to see everyday?”

Kid-I-know (not wanting to be outdone): ” Pokemon is not dumb. And this fire eating business is not as cool as you think. Even I can do it.”

His-friend (definitely sure this was not how he imagined this conversation in his head): “Oh yeah?”

Kid-I-know: “Yeah!”

His-friend (his head stuck with oh yeahs): “Oh yeah?”

Kid-I-know: “Yeah!”

His-friend (finally finding other words to speak): “Well prove it!”

Kid-I-know realizes its too late to admit defeat now, goes into the kitchen and returns with a lit candle and a can of deodorant belonging to his brother.

He opens the can, holds the spray nozzle such that it faces the flame, and his own face close to the receiving end.


The flame erupts from the can to his face, barely missing his wide open mouth and almost burning him into soot like in the cartoons.

His-friend (jumps back, totally awestruck, scared and more importantly – jealous): “I’m telling your mum.”

(Runs off to find the actual grown-ups)


Now I am not entirely sure how the kid intended to eat the flames or where he learned the trick from or what the other kid’s thoughts are on loyalty to friends, but oh man! To think how boring my childhood was….neither Pokemon nor fire-eating friends. Was I born in the wrong century or what?!!

When personality traits are not necessarily personality traits

March 17, 2009 at 12:08 | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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They say you can identify a person’s personality from the way they walk, sit, etc. Now I’ve never had a reason to question this, but as I was walking from the bus stop to my office today, a situation came to my mind.

A confident person is supposed to walk looking straight ahead while an under confident person looks down.

In the streets of my city with its over population of stray dogs and others out for pooping, along with religious fanatics attacking people for no reason, this could cause quite an opposite effect on the personality traits.

Here an under confident person, who is also afraid of dogs or of crazy people could be looking straight ahead and walking to make sure none are out to attack him, and at the same time a very confident person out to give big presentation on important things could be looking down and walking to make sure he doesn’t step on dog poo and ruin his new shoes as well as smell bad during his presentation at work.

Now you might think as to how can this really affect anything?

Well, here’s how.

Jan is very confident, while Feb is not. March has a job opening that requires a confident person, the interview for which Jan and Feb are attending today. As March looks down from his office window, he sees Jan looking down and walking and Feb looking ahead and walking (due to reasons mentioned above). But March has read many books on personality traits, and so is convinced otherwise. March hires Feb.

Outcome – an unemployed Jan, Feb does under confident things that adversely affects March’s company, which almost shuts down, and Feb is fired. The world is doomed. Okay, that’s a bit too far-fetched, but you get the idea.

Why I shouldn’t be writing at all!

March 16, 2009 at 12:43 | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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To begin with, you should read my post on Fake people annoy me, and its comments.

Read? Good.

As you might have noticed, there are two glaring reasons as to why I shouldn’t really be writing.
One, I make grammatical errors (which is a non-pardonable crime, and I don’t deserve to live, let alone write).
Two, I seem to have offended people with the contents.

Back in my first ever school, there was a competition once, called Katharachana (Story Writing). Any idiot can make stories, right? Or that’s what I’d thought! But turns out I lack a little something called IMAGINATION. God alone knows what I wrote in that story. Luckily for me, that competition only had 2 other participants, so I came in third!

A few years later (still in school), I decided to write an English novel. After all, I did come third in the story writing competition, didn’t I? It was about five kids and a parrot (Enid Blyton anyone?). I imagined that it was my cousins and I, and even named our characters with not-entirely-Indian names for the novel.

(Yup, I was obviously expecting worldwide audience and fame)

Anyway, I wrote pages and pages of (our) super adventurous story, until my mum happened to read it one day and continued to laugh at me for months, thanks to my er….imagination! I threw the story into the trash.

One would think I’d have learnt a lesson by now.

Fast forward to my college years. I am sitting in the classroom, fighting to stay awake. Inspiration strikes! I decide to write a novel.


This time, I decide, I will not be stupid like in school (Yeah, right!). I am in college after all! I think about what I want to write.
Yes, this shall be about ninja kids who fight crime.

(Yawn, you say)

For days I spend the lectures writing that perfect colorful introduction of my characters (this time they are Japanese). I even research on the different ninja traits and weapons, to make the story realistic. And not just that, I even dare to let my friends read it and give me their feedback. Everything looks promising. I am even dreaming of becoming the next J K Rowling.

And then BAM!!! I suddenly realise that I have no plot. Nope. No PLOT whatsoever. My stupid lack of imagination has once again kicked me in my imaginary balls.

Once again the novel goes into the trash.

So for now, I have temporarily given up on the novels, and is now in search of blog fame or rather, torture the readers with my superior intelligence and writing skills.

But just you wait. My novel, when I do complete it, is going to blow your mind away. It will be about………..er………about………..hmmm……….maybe I should write about vampires……(wink!)

Disclaimer: The author of this post has an IELTS score 8 (Very Good User – Has fully operational command of the language with only occasional unsystematic inaccuracies and inappropriacies. Misunderstandings may occur in unfamiliar situations. Handles complex detailed argumentation well).
Therefore, any unsystematic inaccuracies are pardonable!

Fake people annoy me

March 13, 2009 at 12:59 | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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So what is it with fat people wearing sports brands?
I mean, isn’t it kind of obvious that they are definitely not into any form of sports or even normal exercises for that matter?
Or do they think that wearing the sports branded clothing will magically hide the layers of fat?
It doesn’t. Trust me. And if your friend told you it does, that’s cos she secretly hates you.
No no, don’t tell me you have been going to gym regularly, because you are still fat. I don’t believe you. And its not like there is a dearth of non-sports brands, you know. Go splurge on them.
So here’s what you got to do now – take off those sports brands, donate them to charity or hang them up on your bedroom walls in memory of your thinner days if you want to, but please, stop wearing them.

Another category of people that I want to address to are the ones that go about in their cars, playing their music loudly.
No, not those who are just enjoying their daily dose of music.
I am talking of the ones who (in a desperate attempt to look like a rock lover) increase the speakers’ bass to maximum and closes the car windows, so that all one hears from outside is the loud dum dummm… of the bass, but what they’re actually listening to inside is hip-hop music.
Seriously, what is your problem?
You are insulting both rock lovers and hip-hop lovers all over the world.
Be true to the music you actually love.

And remember, you are not fooling anyone.

My doggy encounters

March 4, 2009 at 22:40 | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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I LOVE dogs.

I think they have really pretty eyes, and well, they’re overall just amazing. But you should also know that I am shit scared of them, unless they are really nice to me. Which many times they are not. In fact I am so scared that I have ran away from been chased by a little ferocious pup once.

Yes, I can see you are thinking of stopping being my friend.

Now I must admit I have tried getting close to many of them, in an attempt to get over my fear. Sometimes it helped. Like with my boyfriend Jun’s dog. She is just awesome. But in other cases, it almost always ended like this –

I’m walking, I see cute stray pups.
Awww……isn’t it?
No. Because they are looking at me, growling with/through their tiny throats.
How did they know I was scared? I don’t look scared. Or do I?
I try to seem casual and unconcerned, because people are nearby.
Why aren’t those people scared? Why don’t the pups growl at them?
I walk.
The pups start following me quietly.
I see it from the corner of my eyes, so I stop and look back (trying to still look totally cool about it).
The pups stop and go grrrrrrrr again.
I decide to walk faster. The pups follow faster. I stop. They growl.
(repeat that a few more times)
I finally go beyond their territory, so they leave me alone. I walk away fast.

Later I narrate my narrow escape from death to Jun.
And he consoles me by telling that the pups were just learning to hunt.
It should have helped me to feel better, except that he was laughing his ass off at me.


So what were we talking about? Oh yeah, I LOVE dogs.

Dedicated to those who clean public toilets

March 3, 2009 at 13:07 | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments
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Greetings everyone, and thank you for visiting my blog!
You’re awesome (just like me) or you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

As this is my first post, I would like to dedicate it to all those people across the world whose job is to clean public toilets. For it is they who are the actual heroes of the world.


How do you think Einstein managed to write the Theory of Relativity? And Soviet Union make the first ever satellite (Sputnik) to sent up into the space? Was it by losing concentration at work because they urgently needed to visit the loo but couldn’t because it was too dirty?

I think not.

So let us take this moment to appreciate their efforts worldwide.

And friends, remember to flush.

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