Nederlands

September 8, 2009 at 23:04 | Posted in Uncategorized | 13 Comments
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Okay, so a lot of people have been wondering what I have been up to ever since I got to the Netherlands.

Did you go to the “coffee shops”?

Are the women hot?

How is the beer?

Did you go to the “coffee shops”?

Did you fall into a canal?

Did you go to the “coffee shops”?

The questions are numerous.

Anyway, it looks like I have to post something about this place, but before that, I must must must show you my new (second hand) bike, because having bought it means that I am actually smart, and justifies any of the stupid things I (might) do in the future.

Puch Mustang

Puch Mustang

Now that we have all drooled over my baby, lets find out some of the stuff I learnt ever since I got here.

1. People just DO NOT get my name. I now have a wide variety of names including Sri, Siridevi, Sleedevi, Devi (pronounced like Debbie).

[And a lot more people who just smile cos they cannot remember it]

2. The Dutch, the Portuguese, the Italians (I am yet to discover which other countries as well) all kiss (a different number of times) when they greet you.

3. The Dutch are the tallest people in the world.

[I point blank refuse to comment on point 3]

4. Beer is cheaper than water.

[But that would also be because you can drink water directly from the taps, so buying a bottle of water is kind of pointless]

I think that should be enough trivia for now. So until someone does something stupid (including me falling into a canal), see you!

Butt of joke girls (Part 2)

September 7, 2009 at 16:10 | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments
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It was back in the first year of Engineering. The caller tunes craze time. For those of you who don’t know, it was the time almost all the mobile companies in India started allowing us to subscribe for any song that we like, so that those who call us would hear the song being played instead of the usual “trin-trin”. We were all victims to the caller tune mania, with people who changed their caller tune every day, to people like me who tried it just once.

(What’s the fun if you cannot hear the caller tune yourself? It is your favourite song after all!)

[Scene: Hostel Mess]

Enter Butt-of-joke-girl-2.

Butt-of-joke-girl-2: “Hey guys, listen to my new caller tune, it is a really cool song!”

So one of us calls her phone, and turns on the loud speaker, and we could hear “In your head….In your head….” playing from the song Zombie by The Cranberries.

Hailing from very studious and very “Indian” backgrounds, pretty much all the girls in my batch had not heard this song before. Now I had happened to hear it cos of a friend who gave a collection of her favourite songs to a friend who then gave it to me, had this song in it.

So it was really surprising to us that Butt-of-joke-girl-2 knew this song. And since we had nothing better to do, we decided to have some fun at her expense.

A-friend: “Hey Butt-of-joke-girl-2, that sounds like a great song, what is its title?”

Butt-of-joke-girl-2 (not expecting anyone to know the song just like herself): “Oh, its an English song”

(Like that was sufficient information)

Same-friend: “Yeah, we get that. What is it called?”

(Butt-of-joke-girl-2 is not sure now how to proceed as she had never found out anything more about the song herself, and so hadn’t expected any one else to ask her anything more about it either)

Butt-of-joke-girl-2: “Actually, its not just English, its got many other languages in it as well”

(What the fuck??!!!)

Same-friend (struggling to keep as straight face as were the rest of us): “Oookay, so what is it called, you know, like a name?”

Butt-of-joke-girl-2 (sweating profusely): “The song….yes….er…..its called ‘Eee-yaa-aae’.”

She runs out of the mess as we all burst out laughing!

[For those of you who might have not caught on, “In your head” can sound like “eee yaa aae” if you try thinking/listening to the song from Butt-of-joke-girl-2’s point of view. Of course, expecting others to believe it……..]

Butt of joke girls (Part 1)

September 5, 2009 at 15:40 | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments
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That was a crazy last two months!

Lets see (chronologically),

1. I quit my job at IISc, though I still haven’t finished my report work (but I will soon),

2. I have traveled to almost all states in the southern region of India to get my visa and birth certificate legalized (India is too big for comfort),

3. Sassy the cat (thats what we named it anyway) came to our house to escape from stray dogs and no owner turned up to claim him,

Sassy the cat

Sassy the cat on Jun's couch

4. My grandad passed away,

5. I’m finally in the Netherlands.

But none of that means that I can ever stop making fun of all the ridiculous things in life.

But this time, thankfully, I am not the butt of the jokes.

Scene 1: Volvo bus from Bangalore airport to my home

Butt-of-joke-girl-1 is sitting next to me. She gets a phone call from some friend, to whom she mercilessly talks about how stupid “she” was (this she is some other girl we do not know about). Butt-of-joke-girl-1 is talking pretty loudly, repeating over and over about “how could she be so stupid” and “that was so stupid of her” and “oh god, she is soooooooo stupid”.

Anyway, the bus conductor has come to collect the journey fare, since she is on phone, he is giving tickets to the rest of us near by. But “clever”-girl aka butt-of-joke-girl-1 doesn’t like being ignored, whether she’s on the phone or not, so she tells her friend to hold on, and then calls the conductor.

Butt-of-joke-girl-1: “Excuse me….hallo….how much?”
(Bus conductor looks at her blankly)
Butt-of-joke-girl-1: “I said how much?”
Bus-conductor: “What?”
(Butt-of-joke-girl-1 is exasperated at the stupidity of “all” the people around her)
Butt-of-joke-girl-1 (now gesturing with her hands to help the “stupid” conductor dude understand): “HOW MUCH?”
Bus-conductor (now irritated): “You have not told me yet where you want to get off, how do you expect me to tell you how much you have to pay??!!”
Butt-of-joke-girl-1 becomes the butt of the joke.

Butt-of-joke-girl-2 story is funnier, I think I will post it tomorrow!

The only kind of pride that’s cool is a pride of lions

July 16, 2009 at 13:24 | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments
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Continuing talking about pride (previous post), there’s this girl I work with who is very vain, when it comes to her looks.

Don’t get me wrong, she is reasonably attractive, but the bad side effect is that she’d spend hours talking about herself to anyone and everyone, about all the times she looked hot and others were jealous and so on….

The other day, a few of us from work went to dinner, and I thought that for a change I should dress like a girl girl, and not a boy kinda girl.

(I have tomboyish issues)

Anyway, at the dinner, she tells me from across the table, that I am looking really good. Since I am a big moron when it comes to handling compliments, I semi-panic respond with a “thanks, you look good too”. To which she replies with a casual “oh, thats normal”.

(!!!??!!?)

Before midnight!

Me before midnight!

I guess it means I must be like Cinderella, who’ll turn ugly when the clock strikes twelve, while she continues to be amazingly hot or whatever, and so it is more important that I get compliments for the night, and not she.

After midnight

Me after midnight!

:-/ :-/ :-/

There is so much I am yet to learn about the girl world.

Sigh!

I am not fond of Facebook that much

July 6, 2009 at 12:33 | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments
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So I was getting all proud about my blog (thats going downhill if I may say so) when this friend of mine announced on Facebook (for the world to see)

“Sri, your blog is awesome, if only you were paid to write this stuff”,

I obviously assumed its me. Yet, I knew that in South India there is an abundance of Sri(s), so I decided to confirm whether it was indeed me (as if there’s a doubt!).

It wasn’t me.

Ouch!

Pride so totally goes before a fall.

PS: I am still crazy busy and unable to post regularly.

It’s a bird… It’s a plane… It’s…..

June 24, 2009 at 20:57 | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments
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Someone asked me this yesterday:

State 3 animals in the order of your preference (1st being the most preferred) and the reason for the same.

(Its fun, try it!)

The answers are below this really cool picture, so try not to cheat!

Did I say cool? I meant drool

Did I say cool? I meant drool

Anyway, here is what it means:
The first is what you think you are.
The second is what others think you are.
The third is what you actually are.

Now I don’t know how many of you think its true, or want to believe its true. Because if it is, then life has gotten a lot more exciting for me, for sure.

Jun opted for dolphins first cos they are really smart, then a tie between wolves and dogs cos they are really cool and faithful, and lastly birds, cos they can fly.

I did try to get him to change the verb ‘fly’ into an adjective than can describe him, but he adamantly refused to do so.

And this can mean only one thing, he can fly.

In other words, he is superman.

(PS: Do enter in the comments what animals and reasons you thought of, I am sure there will be a lot of interesting answers)

As Joey once said “I am pretty wisdomous”

June 16, 2009 at 14:46 | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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Since I turned 23 today, I am obviously full of wisdom.

So today I will give you 4 important advices that will help you throughout your life:

  1. Never ever watch the movie Max Payne
  2. Never ever do this to yourself
    I wasn't "wisdomous" then

    I wasn't "wisdomous" then

    cos its stupid (but if you have to choose between the two never-evers, then I’d say never ever watch Max Payne)

  3. Follow my blog religiously
  4. Treat your elders with respect

Sadly I do not have time to share more wisdom cos:

  1. I am still sick, though improving
  2. I have a work deadline for tomorrow, and if I want to spend even a little time with Jun today, then I definitely need to finish the work by evening.

So if you would be kind enough to send me those gifts today itself, I don’t think I need to linger around much longer with this post.

Chaos theory – me getting flu in Bangalore makes a girl tell the truth in Trivandrum

June 12, 2009 at 13:00 | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
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I have been down with the flu this week, unable to enjoy the whole “not having to go to work”, while coughing my lungs inside out.

I am irritated.

And while I have been lying sick in bed, someone ripped off my disclaimer (scroll right up this blog if you have been too blind to have not seen it till now), did a very very slight modification and used it for his own blog.

No reference, no thank you whatsoever.

Grrr…..

I should’ve forseen that I was going to be famous, and got my blog copyrighted right in the beginning.

Damn you, premonition-super-power! You are never there when I need you!

I am annoyed.

And its not over, a guy I know who was recently engaged to a girl in the old fashioned (arranged) way just found out that the girl actually likes someone else, but her parents forced her to get engaged to him, against her will!

As much as I am grateful to her admitting the truth before it was too late, I just cant help wondering as to why do parents do this to their own kids? Why do parents try to cheat the very person who is supposed to live with their child later in life (till like forever)? Save your face, but sentence your kid (and his/her spouse) to a life of unhappiness?

I am appalled.

Does anybody know how to transfigure annoying people into manure? (Part 2)

June 8, 2009 at 11:35 | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
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(Continued from previous post)

I get into an auto, super sleepy from having woken up early in the morning to get off the train, and then waiting at the station till its safe to get out, bitten to death by mosquitoes that are possibly carrying dengue or malaria. Obviously I am not in the best of my moods. But the auto guy whose auto I got into was extremely chatty to the point of being an asshole.

(Note how hard I try to be civil by replying in monosyllables, instead of breaking his medula oblongata with my lethal karate chops)

Auto-dude: “So, where are you from?”
Me (fighting to stay awake): “Bangalore”
Auto-dude: “You studying?”
Me (wishing I’d actually studied to become a professional killer): “No”
Auto-dude: “Your home is here?”
Me (cursing myself for not having the power to teleport away): “No”
Auto-dude: “Oh, then why are you here?”
Me (cursing God for giving him the power of speech): “Work”
Auto-dude: “Oh, you’ve come here looking for work!”
Me (too pissed to care): “Yeah”
Auto-dude: “Why don’t you give me your cell number so that I can call you if I find some job you can do?”
Me (what the fuck?!!!): “Stop the auto, I’ll get down here”

The End.

Does anybody know how to transfigure annoying people into manure? (Part 1)

June 6, 2009 at 08:49 | Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments
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Its been long, I know.

What can I say, I’ve been way too busy with other stuff to be able to devote time to blogging. Anyway, now that I’m back (not sure for how long), lets not waste any more time, and get back to the business of talking about random crap that doesn’t really matter to anybody.

But before I start –
I’ve noticed that many of you seem to be dwelling under the impression that Arjun over at One Side of a Sandwich is my boyfriend. Well, he’s not. Arjun is an old classmate and a friend since the stone ages, as he’d probably like to point out!

Moving on, I think you will agree with me when I say I just don’t understand why those random ANNOYING (and sometimes nosey) people you meet for a few minutes in your life would actually believe that they’re fun people to talk to, and in fact that we’re fulfilling our life’s purpose while talking to them!!

(They must be crazy to think they can even get close to becoming the most-fun-person-in-the-world that I am!)

There is that random somebody’s uncle you meet at the wedding who brags to anyone and everyone about his so-called multi-talented daughter who will be the one to cure cancer in the future, while dancing on one leg and studying law.

Then there is that passenger next to you on the train who is just not shutting up, when all you want to do is stare at the ceiling for hours, because it seems more fascinating at the moment.

And then there are those Romeos you meet in college, to whom you say “I am going to gouge my eyes out right now, for having ever seen you” and they think you are playing hard to get.

And then there is also what happened last week.

(To be continued)

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