Hoomans are strange

The dolphins have been studying humans for a long time now.

Humans - then and now (click for enlarged version)

Did you know that in some places, there are gangsters who kill fat people and sell their body fat to cosmetics companies?

Now, us dolphins are not really complicated. No selling or killing of fat dolphins. Cos we are having fun all the time, challenging our limits, be it alone or as a group. And so we invent various games for ourselves, cos games are always = fun.

However, some of the humans had different ideas, and this involved interior decorating men’s washrooms with mirrors, because male humans love mirrors.

So unfortunately for Sridevi’s friend Pentagon, thanks to the million mirrors in the mens’ loo in a mall somewhere on planet earth, she had a glimpse of her friend peeing, even though she was standing facing some other direction, far away from and outside the men’s loo. Or in the case of her friend Hexagon, he had the shock of his life when he saw women looking at him pee from the other side of the glass which was placed in the men’s loo, only later realising that it was a one-way mirror and the women on the other side were only looking at their own reflections!

Yeah, humans are really really strange.

Hold you flippers, this blog ain’t dead yet!

Hi. I am a Dolphin. I dont have a name yet, but that’s not the important thing right now. Maybe for now, we can call me Dolphy.

Sridevi has been too busy (hmmph….learning to play with a Yoyo she bought herself recently, if you really want to know) to blog since she came to the Dutchland, ignoring the many requests (and even threats to take her blog off from the list of bookmarks on the internet browser) to renew blogging. Now I didnt want a good blog to die just cos the main blogger is an idiot, so I offered to blog on her behalf, while she masters how to play with her new Yoyo.

Yoyo

Yo

oY

O O O O

Whoops, sorry! Kinda got carried away, playing with the word. That’s kind of a thing with us dolphins, we’re always busy inventing fun games that amuse and challenge us at the same time.

ALWAYS.

Thats why we’re so happy all the time!

In fact, here is an example of what my brother and sister dolphins are up to right now.

Now ain’t that cool!!

You know, I am like Sridevi in a lot of ways….We are both short (though some of my cousins are huge), we both love fish and, oh wait, thats pretty much it.

Anyway, unlike Sridevi, I have better vision and hearing (we can echo locate), and I am way way more social (she is just weird sometimes). Oh and I am more organised, because us dolphins are friggin intelligent(!!!), and well, I have made a list of things I am going to blog about, for the next few days. Some embarrassing stories on Sridevi that she’s been hiding from you and other stuff as well.

For instance, did you know that people here think that Sridevi is a boy’s name? Yes, in fact, one boy even called her Srideva (the brother of Prabhudeva). Nowadays, she is trying to teach people to call her Sri like in Sri Lanka. Kind of a late realization for her (us dolphins would have spotted it way long before), she could have avoided all the times she was called Debbie and Slreedevi and whatever else they call her.

Talking of Prabhudeva, did you know that the song Benny Lava on youtube is a bigtime hit on non-indian soil? AR Rahman won many Oscars, but the people enjoy Benny Lava much much more!

If you dont believe me, just check out this video!

It has 1,256,460 views and 5 star rating by 3678 users.

What?

Oh! I have to go now. A game of flipperball using jellyfish awaits…. So until tomorrow, this is Dolphy wishing you “have a nice day”!!!

Nederlands

Okay, so a lot of people have been wondering what I have been up to ever since I got to the Netherlands.

Did you go to the “coffee shops”?

Are the women hot?

How is the beer?

Did you go to the “coffee shops”?

Did you fall into a canal?

Did you go to the “coffee shops”?

The questions are numerous.

Anyway, it looks like I have to post something about this place, but before that, I must must must show you my new (second hand) bike, because having bought it means that I am actually smart, and justifies any of the stupid things I (might) do in the future.

Puch Mustang

Now that we have all drooled over my baby, lets find out some of the stuff I learnt ever since I got here.

1. People just DO NOT get my name. I now have a wide variety of names including Sri, Siridevi, Sleedevi, Devi (pronounced like Debbie).

[And a lot more people who just smile cos they cannot remember it]

2. The Dutch, the Portuguese, the Italians (I am yet to discover which other countries as well) all kiss (a different number of times) when they greet you.

3. The Dutch are the tallest people in the world.

[I point blank refuse to comment on point 3]

4. Beer is cheaper than water.

[But that would also be because you can drink water directly from the taps, so buying a bottle of water is kind of pointless]

I think that should be enough trivia for now. So until someone does something stupid (including me falling into a canal), see you!

Butt of joke girls (Part 2)

It was back in the first year of Engineering. The caller tunes craze time. For those of you who don’t know, it was the time almost all the mobile companies in India started allowing us to subscribe for any song that we like, so that those who call us would hear the song being played instead of the usual “trin-trin”. We were all victims to the caller tune mania, with people who changed their caller tune every day, to people like me who tried it just once.

(What’s the fun if you cannot hear the caller tune yourself? It is your favourite song after all!)

[Scene: Hostel Mess]

Enter Butt-of-joke-girl-2.

Butt-of-joke-girl-2: “Hey guys, listen to my new caller tune, it is a really cool song!”

So one of us calls her phone, and turns on the loud speaker, and we could hear “In your head….In your head….” playing from the song Zombie by The Cranberries.

Hailing from very studious and very “Indian” backgrounds, pretty much all the girls in my batch had not heard this song before. Now I had happened to hear it cos of a friend who gave a collection of her favourite songs to a friend who then gave it to me, had this song in it.

So it was really surprising to us that Butt-of-joke-girl-2 knew this song. And since we had nothing better to do, we decided to have some fun at her expense.

A-friend: “Hey Butt-of-joke-girl-2, that sounds like a great song, what is its title?”

Butt-of-joke-girl-2 (not expecting anyone to know the song just like herself): “Oh, its an English song”

(Like that was sufficient information)

Same-friend: “Yeah, we get that. What is it called?”

(Butt-of-joke-girl-2 is not sure now how to proceed as she had never found out anything more about the song herself, and so hadn’t expected any one else to ask her anything more about it either)

Butt-of-joke-girl-2: “Actually, its not just English, its got many other languages in it as well”

(What the fuck??!!!)

Same-friend (struggling to keep as straight face as were the rest of us): “Oookay, so what is it called, you know, like a name?”

Butt-of-joke-girl-2 (sweating profusely): “The song….yes….er…..its called ‘Eee-yaa-aae’.”

She runs out of the mess as we all burst out laughing!

[For those of you who might have not caught on, "In your head" can sound like "eee yaa aae" if you try thinking/listening to the song from Butt-of-joke-girl-2's point of view. Of course, expecting others to believe it........]

Butt of joke girls (Part 1)

That was a crazy last two months!

Lets see (chronologically),

1. I quit my job at IISc, though I still haven’t finished my report work (but I will soon),

2. I have traveled to almost all states in the southern region of India to get my visa and birth certificate legalized (India is too big for comfort),

3. Sassy the cat (thats what we named it anyway) came to our house to escape from stray dogs and no owner turned up to claim him,

Sassy the cat on Jun's couch

4. My grandad passed away,

5. I’m finally in the Netherlands.

But none of that means that I can ever stop making fun of all the ridiculous things in life.

But this time, thankfully, I am not the butt of the jokes.

Scene 1: Volvo bus from Bangalore airport to my home

Butt-of-joke-girl-1 is sitting next to me. She gets a phone call from some friend, to whom she mercilessly talks about how stupid “she” was (this she is some other girl we do not know about). Butt-of-joke-girl-1 is talking pretty loudly, repeating over and over about “how could she be so stupid” and “that was so stupid of her” and “oh god, she is soooooooo stupid”.

Anyway, the bus conductor has come to collect the journey fare, since she is on phone, he is giving tickets to the rest of us near by. But “clever”-girl aka butt-of-joke-girl-1 doesn’t like being ignored, whether she’s on the phone or not, so she tells her friend to hold on, and then calls the conductor.

Butt-of-joke-girl-1: “Excuse me….hallo….how much?”
(Bus conductor looks at her blankly)
Butt-of-joke-girl-1: “I said how much?”
Bus-conductor: “What?”
(Butt-of-joke-girl-1 is exasperated at the stupidity of “all” the people around her)
Butt-of-joke-girl-1 (now gesturing with her hands to help the “stupid” conductor dude understand): “HOW MUCH?”
Bus-conductor (now irritated): “You have not told me yet where you want to get off, how do you expect me to tell you how much you have to pay??!!”
Butt-of-joke-girl-1 becomes the butt of the joke.

Butt-of-joke-girl-2 story is funnier, I think I will post it tomorrow!

The only kind of pride that’s cool is a pride of lions

Continuing talking about pride (previous post), there’s this girl I work with who is very vain, when it comes to her looks.

Don’t get me wrong, she is reasonably attractive, but the bad side effect is that she’d spend hours talking about herself to anyone and everyone, about all the times she looked hot and others were jealous and so on….

The other day, a few of us from work went to dinner, and I thought that for a change I should dress like a girl girl, and not a boy kinda girl.

(I have tomboyish issues)

Anyway, at the dinner, she tells me from across the table, that I am looking really good. Since I am a big moron when it comes to handling compliments, I semi-panic respond with a “thanks, you look good too”. To which she replies with a casual “oh, thats normal”.

(!!!??!!?)

Me before midnight!

I guess it means I must be like Cinderella, who’ll turn ugly when the clock strikes twelve, while she continues to be amazingly hot or whatever, and so it is more important that I get compliments for the night, and not she.

Me after midnight!

:-/ :-/ :-/

There is so much I am yet to learn about the girl world.

Sigh!

I am not fond of Facebook that much

So I was getting all proud about my blog (thats going downhill if I may say so) when this friend of mine announced on Facebook (for the world to see)

“Sri, your blog is awesome, if only you were paid to write this stuff”,

I obviously assumed its me. Yet, I knew that in South India there is an abundance of Sri(s), so I decided to confirm whether it was indeed me (as if there’s a doubt!).

It wasn’t me.

Ouch!

Pride so totally goes before a fall.

PS: I am still crazy busy and unable to post regularly.

It’s a bird… It’s a plane… It’s…..

Someone asked me this yesterday:

State 3 animals in the order of your preference (1st being the most preferred) and the reason for the same.

(Its fun, try it!)

The answers are below this really cool picture, so try not to cheat!

Did I say cool? I meant drool

Anyway, here is what it means:
The first is what you think you are.
The second is what others think you are.
The third is what you actually are.

Now I don’t know how many of you think its true, or want to believe its true. Because if it is, then life has gotten a lot more exciting for me, for sure.

Jun opted for dolphins first cos they are really smart, then a tie between wolves and dogs cos they are really cool and faithful, and lastly birds, cos they can fly.

I did try to get him to change the verb ‘fly’ into an adjective than can describe him, but he adamantly refused to do so.

And this can mean only one thing, he can fly.

In other words, he is superman.

(PS: Do enter in the comments what animals and reasons you thought of, I am sure there will be a lot of interesting answers)

As Joey once said “I am pretty wisdomous”

Since I turned 23 today, I am obviously full of wisdom.

So today I will give you 4 important advices that will help you throughout your life:

1. Never ever watch the movie Max Payne
2. Never ever do this to yourself
   

   I wasn't "wisdomous" then

   cos its stupid (but if you have to choose between the two never-evers, then I’d say never ever watch Max Payne)

3. Follow my blog religiously
4. Treat your elders with respect

Sadly I do not have time to share more wisdom cos:

1. I am still sick, though improving
2. I have a work deadline for tomorrow, and if I want to spend even a little time with Jun today, then I definitely need to finish the work by evening.

So if you would be kind enough to send me those gifts today itself, I don’t think I need to linger around much longer with this post.

Chaos theory – me getting flu in Bangalore makes a girl tell the truth in Trivandrum

I have been down with the flu this week, unable to enjoy the whole “not having to go to work”, while coughing my lungs inside out.

I am irritated.

And while I have been lying sick in bed, someone ripped off my disclaimer (scroll right up this blog if you have been too blind to have not seen it till now), did a very very slight modification and used it for his own blog.

No reference, no thank you whatsoever.

Grrr…..

I should’ve forseen that I was going to be famous, and got my blog copyrighted right in the beginning.

Damn you, premonition-super-power! You are never there when I need you!

I am annoyed.

And its not over, a guy I know who was recently engaged to a girl in the old fashioned (arranged) way just found out that the girl actually likes someone else, but her parents forced her to get engaged to him, against her will!

As much as I am grateful to her admitting the truth before it was too late, I just cant help wondering as to why do parents do this to their own kids? Why do parents try to cheat the very person who is supposed to live with their child later in life (till like forever)? Save your face, but sentence your kid (and his/her spouse) to a life of unhappiness?

I am appalled.